School for Bank Robbers

I have a friend, lets call him Arthur, he had some bad luck early in life, got into a fight, stabbed a guy defending himself, did some hard time.  Arthur ended up in a cell with a very clever con.  His cell mate had done what few criminals do and really studied the inside of industry he was going after, in this case the banking industry.

Arthur’s cell mate had looked into the FDIC insurance requirements for banks coverage in the case of a robbery.  Unsurprisingly, tellers and other bank employees need to follow very specific rules, designed to minimize the danger to customers and bank staff during a robbery. And the banks train the tellers to follow these rules closely, because if they dont, the bank can potentially not be insured for the theft.

The FDIC requires that bank staff cooperate with anyone who appears like they might be robbing the bank.  You dont need a gun, you dont need even to threaten.  Arthur’s cell mate simply went into the 30 banks he successfully robbed before being caught and handed them the same small type written note.  “Please put all the money from your drawer onto the counter.”  They did, every time.

Then he asked a single question “Does this money have any dye packs or explosive charges?”  Apparently, the FDIC requires the teller to answer honestly, because (i imagine) if they do not and a dye pack goes off and the robber opens fire, the bank will have a liability problem on its hand.  Once you have assurances that the money is clean, you have an estimated 3 minutes to get out of the bank before the police show up.

Don’t try this at your local branch.

About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

One response to “School for Bank Robbers”

  1. Sara Tansey says :

    and when a sudden rash of small time bank robberies hit the country, we will smile and chuckle and wiggle. what a no good rabble rouser.

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