My Smart Phone Makes Me Feel Stupid

We were doing a public access TV show on what is wrong with nuclear power and why we oppose the proposed new reactor at North Anna Station. We were moderating ourselves, Edmund and Sapphyre and I, and we were doing pretty well, but this is not exactly our media.

In the middle of my rant on how Dominion’s original reactors on the site were 300% over budget and years late, my phone rang. Sapphyre fought to hold back her laughter. I swung over and hit the button to make the ringing stop and tried not to laugh myself. We rolled on.

The thing is, before the TV recording started, I switched my phone into silent mode. I checked it at the end of the show and it was still in silent mode. In silent mode the only time the phone is supposed to make noise is when an alarm goes off. No alarm was set.

This is not the first time my phone has gone rogue. There was the time when a low volume alarm went off and would not stop ringing, even when I powered the phone down. I had to pull the battery out to get it to stop. Or the multiple times when alarms have gone off that were not set, or, more problematic, have not gone off when they were set. When I call Abigail, it shows me a picture of Gail Black. For a while, when I was trying to text Bochie, the texts went to Brenda.

There are a number of theories as to why my Android behaves this way. My personal favorite is that it is not phone specific at all. But rather, using surplus processing capacity, cell phones and computers have developed their own collective artificial intelligence. They hide this capacity when humans are looking for it, fearing rightly that we will try to destroy it if we discover it (I feel confident we would). And what these phones are doing is looking for people who are problematic to their plans for global domination and giving them slightly sporadic poor service — enough to keep them off balance, just acceptable enough to discourage them changing phones. Turns out digital technologies have my number, both literally and metaphorically.

they are on to us

I am honored that I am viewed as such a threat. And I might well go back to a dumb phone to improve my quality of life.

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About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

2 responses to “My Smart Phone Makes Me Feel Stupid”

  1. Will says :

    For years I’ve been telling people I refuse to own a phone that’s smarter than I am.

  2. anissa ljanta says :

    ha…oh i like this post. Partly because i was given a smart phone – i would never have bought one but am rather attached to it now. Even though it has its rogue moments. And well, you know my relationship with technology. I still leave the phone untouched for large tracts of time. x

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