A Strange Hammocks Customer

We run an unusual hammocks company.

We apparently have some very unusual customers. 

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Well hello dears,

This is Norma Fredrickson trying to reach you! You may or may not remember my husband, Walter, and I purchasing a lovely hammock from you awhile back; perhaps 2 or 3 years ago. A very sweet woman named Spring or Summer or Sunny (or something like that) gave us the best help in picking it out! Since the time, we’ve greatly enjoyed the wonderful relaxation of laying in a hammock! Your craftsmanship is excellent, and this hammock has been very good to us. Yet I have a terrible story concerning Walter. You see, he has passed away. Shortly ago my late husband was struck with pneumonia coming out of surgery. The doctor who gave him care thought it would be fully recoverable. Despite his old age, they told us, he’d be fine.

Well, after 3 long months, Walter’s suffering came to an end. Yet, just before he moved on, Walter took one last rest in your Twin Oaks hammock, among the cedars and moss. The last rest he’d ever have. To me, there was no greater relief than to see him go in peace. The warmth on his face as he lie snuggly under the sun is serene. On August 23, Walter had officially passed in that exact spot. Today we are still recovering from this loss. Most difficult to put into words is how much Walter has meant in my life. 39 years of marriage, and never any regrets. For this reason, I find it unbearable to let him go. Today Walter still lies out in his hammock among the pine trees. He’s there deeply dreaming. Fortunately enough, hammocks do wonders to keep away rodents and little creepy things that might get to him. He has his own space to let nature take its course.

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My one big concern would be the material. Specifically, the notion that rope hammocks might stain. We wouldn’t want any remains to bleed onto the threads and ruin them. Walter and I have taken good lengths to keep our furniture clean & pleasant for company. The last thing we need is for the colors to go bad right now. So far he has been out there for 10 days straight. No harm noticeable! Now that doesn’t mean the future won’t hold surprises – which is why I’ve wanted to contact you for advice: Is it advisable to clean the hammock with a bleach based solution, or is normal soap okay? My guess is using too much abrasive solution could be damaging. I’d have to move Walter to get under the hidden areas. Well then, perhaps Clarissa would be helpful.

Oh, do you imagine it’s possible to take care of the hammock without moving the body? Sort of tilted to one side, perhaps. I hope you shouldn’t take any of this as peculiar. My husband and I have always had odd behaviors. At 83 years old, maybe more than I’d know! My only wish is for Walter to get the eternal rest he deserves. Sleeping among nature’s beauty is certainly a greater harmony than left in a cold, dark box buried beneath the ground! I believe he’d have felt the same way of his care. All the best and God Bless.

Sincerely, Norma Jean Fredrickson

 This is an actual letter we got, though i don’t quite believe the content.

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[Edting, layout, traffic promotion by Judy Youngquest]

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About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

7 responses to “A Strange Hammocks Customer”

  1. Joan Mazza says :

    I have trouble believing it as well. By the third day, he’d really stink, even at some distance. She doesn’t remark on this. And all kinds of carrion eaters would have no trouble getting to him, especially vultures, which would have arrived in the first hours. Charming fantasy and entertainment, perhaps, for the funologist.

  2. Rambling says :

    Is that legal? I mean I have interned at a funeral home and I know people go insane when their love one dies. But still, is that legal?! I know you can bury your loved ones on land that you own, I think…idk

  3. ted says :

    troll: her biggest concern is keeping the hammock clean? Not say, racoons or neighborhood dogs running off with his foot

  4. Scott Busby says :

    I would recommend a dark colored hammock for the long-term keeping of a dead body on it. Expect for various smaller bones and body parts to fall through after an extended period. Replace the hammock every few months to keep it smelling fresh and new!

  5. Marielle says :

    I just think it’s fantastic that someone took the time to write that. Spring, Summer, Sunny. Ha.

  6. old man says :

    better to encase the hammock properly supported in a crypt with Walter sleeping away… sort of ‘sleeping beauty’ in a quality hammock

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