The Twerking of Paxus Calta-Star

You may know Paxus Calta-Star from his anti-nuclear activism and his  fervent promotion of the communities movement. You may even know a great deal about his romances and personal life from reading this actively updated blog.

However, there is a thing you do not know about Mr. Calta.

I suggest you sit down ladies, gentlemen, co’s and [please insert your preferred pronoun or title here]. The fact I am about to unveil may frighten or shock you, so even if you are the most unfazed radical faerie out there you may want to prepare yourself.

The truth has been kept a secret for sometime now, with the exception of those who pay attention to facebook carefully.

For those of you who do not follow such madness, I,  Miss Belladonna Took will give you the madness of Paxus Calta.

Paxus Calta-Star..

Twerks.

Paxus is a Twerk Fanatic

Paxus is a Twerk Fanatic

He’s a Miley Cyrus wannabe with a flair for letting it all hang-out.

If you’ve read his statuses lately you’ve see updates like:

“i be twerkin all night i be twerkin all day i be twerkin YAY”

“I will be giving twerking lessons at M* 5:30pm today till 7:00”

Apparently there are two masterminds behind Mr.Calta’s obsession with the most controversial dance craze of the season.

Was Miley Cyrus the inspiration for Paxus's obsession?

Was Miley Cyrus the inspiration for Paxus’s obsession?

I myself witnessed him twerk for nearly the entire “Thank You” party for the East Winders who have been working at Acorn for the past few weeks. They are going home tomorrow. Paxus could not seem to contain himself when he realized he had the chance to show off all his twerking skills to a room filled with dupstep-obsessed communards. He twerked all over anyone who give him a glance on the dance floor. He did manage to smoothly ask “Is it alright if I twerk on you?” to each person he used for his extensive twerk show. Luckily his twerking addiction has not caused him to forget the views he stands for. Towards the middle of the night he hollered at the topic of his lungs “Eat your heart out Miley Cyrus!” At this point most people were avoiding his requests for bodies to twerk upon. However a small group of highly intoxicated individuals were taking lessons from Pax and some were twerking on him!

Pax would even twerk on this statue if it gave him consent!

Pax would even twerk on this statue if it gave him consent!

I watched from the sidelines, horrified by Paxus Calta-Star’s dance behavior. I felt very conflicted, I am all for people expressing themselves through any artistic niche they prefer. I feel it is my duty to accept Pax, twerking and all. Having said that, it is still difficult to watch. If I were forced to listen to Justin Bieber cover songs from the opera Carmen, it would be terrible, but not nearly as terrible as the sight that twerked before me. In this case, I could have left. I could have walked to the smoke shack to smoke away my discomfort. I felt guilt for my difficulty to remain open-minded. 

I honestly believe we must all try to accept Paxus, but sometimes there can be to much of a good thing. The behavior I have been seeing from my dear friend lately is quite frankly excessive worrisome. That was not first time he gave Twerking lessons either. I’ve lost track of how many times Paxus has stormed into Acorn’s new seed office in it’s busy season craze, excitedly requesting that people participate in a quick “Twerk Tip” as he calls his classes. Of course our young interns cannot resist and the office is filled with twerk frenzy instead of picking and packing seeds as it should be.

Paxus Calta-Star has a problem my friends. I say we have an emergency transparency meeting to help Paxus bring down his twerking it a healthy amount.

Concerned,

Agent Belladonna Took

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About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

2 responses to “The Twerking of Paxus Calta-Star”

  1. Abigail says :

    Thank you Belladona for your concern. This is exactly the reason Paxus Calta-Star will never be invited back to an Ithaca High School class of 1989 reunion. While the girl in the red dress seemed to be enjoying the twerk, my poor classmates will never be the same. It is good to know that his communards understand the scope of this problem. I am in full support of an intervention. Please advise if there is anything I can do to help.

  2. paxus says :

    Busted. Geez Belladonna, i thought these things had been said in our transparency group in strict confidentiality. i feel violated and i want to do an emergency clearness as soon as i am home.

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