Building Consent Culture Acorn
“… i will personally escort you off the property” Belladonna is serious about consent. And if you don’t embrace how it is done at Acorn, your visit might be cut short.
She created this workshop (one of the very few visitor orientations) in response to a real need in community. Perhaps one quarter of the visitors rejected for membership by Acorn over the last two years are due to failures to understand our consent culture.
Typically, these were not gross sexual assaults, but rather were mistakes by basically fine people who were not familiar with or paying attention to our culture. Sometimes they were intoxicated, sometimes part of the problem is they come from a culture where people don’t ask others before they touch, sometimes guests misinterpret non-verbal signals, sometimes they were fooled by parties where the consent rules appeared to be relaxed.
Don’t be fooled, the rules are never relaxed. The purpose of the workshop is to insure that the community is a safe place for members and guests alike and that these recent mistakes become a thing of the past.
While the topic is heavy, the form of the workshop is accessible. Belladonna and Rejoice do short skits to demonstrate both problems and proper approaches. There is more laughing than lecturing.
New concepts are introduced to many of the participants. You can’t ask for Green Light Consent, it has to be offered. Green Light means you have a prior agreement with someone about permissible physical or sexual interactions and it is delineated. “You can always hug me” someone offers.
A visitor asks about how shaking hands as an introduction fits into the culture, but then quickly figures out themselves that there is an effective non-verbal communication built into this ritual. You would never grab a hand which was not offered back.
Sometimes failures are well meaning. At the communities conference there was a blind participant who was occasionally asking for help in her process of mentally mapping the site. A helpful person lightly turned her in the right direction, this was not what she wanted at all, because the “helpful” contact was not explicitly requested nor approved.
There is an introduction to toplessness. Acorn tries to be a liberated zone and when it is hot, both men and women can choose to go without shirts. This is novel to many visitors and rather than being surprised by it, this workshop both warns of it’s likelihood and encourages people to not stare nor presume there is a sexual message where there is not one.
And there is compassion for the stranger to our culture. If you are uneasy conversing with someone who is topless, better to say something and take space than to act strangely pretending that nothing is wrong when you are uncomfortable.
i walk away from this gathering proud of us, knowing that this is the way things get better and we are building the place we want to live.
About paxusa funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.
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- When almost all “yeses” means “no” March 22, 2017
- “So you are a polyamorous community?’ March 18, 2017
- What she sees wrong with me March 15, 2017
- Binghamton – Hello and Goodbye March 11, 2017
- Crafts House and Tufts March 9, 2017
- Commune Exports – Fatherhood February 11, 2017
- Stop Trump’s Supreme Court Nominee February 6, 2017
- Uninauguration- DC Jan 21st. February 4, 2017