The Downside of Demonizing

When visiting Abigail we often do workshops together.  This time we ambitiously tried to do Honest Seduction, Clever Compersion and Brilliant Breakups all in one evening.  Part of the reason this was ambitious was we had never done a breakup workshop before.  Thus we spent a fair piece of the day before developing material for it.

surreal conversation

One of the pieces i liked was the idea of doing an exit interview.  At the point you have established you are going to unravel your romantic relationship you should get together in a non-confrontational format and discuss:

  • Things that you appreciate
  • Hopes for the future relationship
  • What I wish I had done better
  • How to take care of each other
  • Cooling down time – how long, how distant
  • Logistics of untangling finances and possessions

We encouraged people to start with what they thought their ex-partner might want to hear that they could honestly offer.  One of the participants rightly pointed out that this was a very logical approach to a usually highly emotional circumstance.  Which set me off into thinking about communications covenants and how relationships might do well to adopt some communities strategies around these things.

not today satan

After this we got into some edgier tips about how to get over your past romantic encounter.  These included:

  1. Simply letting time pass – with patience
  2. Be fully emotionally expressed 
  3. Distraction
  4. Drugs and Alcohol
  5. Move to another country
  6. Self forgiveness
  7. Demonizing your ex-lover

We are not recommending all of these strategies, we just wanted to identify them.  There can be quite some negative side effects of selecting some of these techniques (drugs and alcohol for example).

breakup

We also spoke briefly about the advantages and downsides of demonizing your past partner.  Specifically:

Advantages

 

  • Channels anger
  • Removes elevated illusions of your ex
  • Can be funny
  • Often an effective distancing technique

 

Disadvantages

 

  • It’s mean – it can make you feel bad about yourself
  • May burn bridges back to friendship
  • May give the past relationship undesired power or attention

 

sumonning a demon

Demons have power, don’t invite them in casually

 

 

 

 

 

About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

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